


and the rest is rust and stardust

by coricomile



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Age of Consent, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Background Het, Consequences, Growing Up, M/M, Platonic J2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:01:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coricomile/pseuds/coricomile
Summary: The first time Colin shows up on set, he's eleven and wide-eyed, glued to Jared's side. He barely reaches Jared's hip and shrinks against him whenever one of the PAs even dares to get close to their little Padalecki amoeba. It's his first acting gig and everyone knows it's part nepotism, part his physical similarities to Jared. Jared doesn't seem to mind, crouching down to wrap his arm around his little brother's shoulders and point out person after person, introducing them by name and giving them big hugs like he's saying,see? It's okay.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Colin Ford
Comments: 11
Kudos: 16





	and the rest is rust and stardust

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2020 SPNRB! I.... apparently signed up three times but still begged to get to write this story because I, uh, forgot about all those signups. I was going to write it anyway, but I am officially sanctioned!
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH to [ Fledge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fledhyris/pseuds/Fledhyris) for the beta, even though you side eyed me for the first half of beta negotiations. And thank you to Emma for the prompt! And thank you to the 7 people into Jensen/Colin. Hope y'all like it!
> 
> Art can be found [here](https://emmatheslayer.livejournal.com/655640.html)!

Jensen clicks with Jared from the moment he meets him. Jared is a little shy, a little aw shucks, but as soon as Jensen even taps at the shell it fractures into a thousand pieces and he meets the real Jared Padalecki- the giant, boisterous nerd with a big laugh and a wicked sense of humor and constantly open arms, just waiting to give or receive a hug. When they do their very first chemistry read, Jensen and Jared fall away. It's Sam and Dean, paper turned to flesh, and Jensen has been around long enough to know what the look on Kripke's face means. 

"Want to get some dinner?" Jared asks as soon as they're outside the studio, hands shoved into his pockets and head dipped down. "I heard about this place that has decent barbecue. You're from Texas, too, right? We can totally judge it together."

Jared is a tornado and a hurricane all in one, loud and touchy and full of dimpled smiles framing filthy jokes. He hasn't been around the scene as long as Jensen has, but he's got an enthusiasm about him that's contagious. Jensen can't help laughing every time Jared tells a long winded, rambling story, can't stop himself from being charmed by Jared's genuine smile. They trade the usual information over cheap tacos that have nothing on hometown Texas eateries. _How long have you been acting? When did you move here? What's your favorite this or that? How many siblings do you have?_

"I've got an older brother and younger sister," Jensen says, taco sauce running down over his jaw. Jared snorts and throws a handful of napkins at Jensen's face. Jensen smiles at him with a mouth full of cheap steak. "You?"

"Older brother, younger sister, and younger brother," Jared says through his own mouthful. Jensen throws the dirty napkins back and can't help his laugh when Jared crinkles his nose. 

They get the callback together, half shitfaced in a bar, leaning over one flip phone. They've been cast. In four months, they're due in Vancouver to start filming. Jared hugs Jensen so hard he can barely breathe. Jensen hugs back just as tight. There's something here and they both feel it down to their bones. 

\---

Dean is nothing like Jensen at all, but it's easy to fall into him. Dean gets to be raw and real, gets to be violent and driven by his id. He gets to shoot guns and throw fists and be angry and Jensen falls a little in love with him from the very first moment he really falls into character. 

When Jensen pulls on the leather jacket and cheap copper amulet, he gets to slip out of himself and into someone new. Jared helps. Jared slips his own skin, too, turns from a giant goofball with wavy hips and endless jokes into serious, smarmy Sam. They're both little brothers but they're also both big brothers and Jensen can see Mac's big eyes and smartass smile with every breath Jared takes as Sam. 

They film a whole season and Jensen learns more from Dean than he's learned from any other character he's played. Dean is real. Dean is an asshole and a sinner and a saint and a devout worshiper to the pillar of Sam and sometimes Jensen falls so deep into him that Jared has to yank him out by the hair. Sometimes Jared does the falling and it's down to Jensen to snap him out. They work well together. Jared likes pulling harmless pranks, smiles his sweet smile like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, and Jensen gets dragged along for half of them. Jensen has a great poker face and no one suspects him when Jeff's trailer gets stuffed full of exactly sixty-five cans of shaving cream, but Jared gets the side eye.

Eventually, the crew catches on. Wherever the tornado of Jared goes, Jensen isn't far behind. Wherever Jensen's own tornado goes, more conservative and less outlandish, Jared is right there with him, head thrown back in laughter and too loud to ever be stealthy. 

They get signed on for a second season. Jensen learns to pack double everything because Jared always forgets something.

\---

Jensen spent all of the filming of season one in a hotel. He plans to do season two the same way, but Jared buys a condo and wheedles him into moving in within the span of three weeks. Jared knows how to kick on the sad eyes and the perfect voice to make Jensen fold every time and he isn't shy about doing it. Little brother, big brother. 

They spend most of their time side by side. On set, off set, sleeping, eating, farting- if Jensen is somewhere, Jared is four steps away, charming everyone in a hundred mile radius. They eat too much fast food and drink too much beer and do their studio guided workout regimens together. Jared likes to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and Jensen likes to smother him with a pillow every time he even dares to come within three feet of him before nine AM. Jared makes the coffee and Jensen makes the full carton of eggs to split in the morning. 

They're in a nice routine when Jared warns him that they're about to be bombarded by the whole Padelecki clan two days before plane touchdown. Jensen has grown to love Jared like his own brother but he isn't sure he can handle six of him all at once. Jared is an acquired taste in large doses and Jensen can only take so much. 

"Jeff's in med school," Jared says around a sloppy mouthful of bacon. That hasn't changed at all. Jensen shoves a paper towel at him and grins smugly when Jared coughs around poorly masticated pork. "Meg and Colin are pretty chill. My mom, though-"

Jensen books himself a hotel room for the week and lives out of his suitcase like old times. He doesn't care how "chill" Jared thinks his siblings are. Seven people in one condo is just asking for disaster. 

\---

The first time Colin shows up on set, he's eleven and wide-eyed, glued to Jared's side. He barely reaches Jared's hip and shrinks against him whenever one of the PAs even dares to get close to their little Padalecki amoeba. It's his first acting gig and everyone knows it's part nepotism, part his physical similarities to Jared. Jared doesn't seem to mind, crouching down to wrap his arm around his little brother's shoulders and point out person after person, introducing them by name and giving them big hugs like he's saying, _see? It's okay_. 

Jared brings Colin to Jensen's trailer before any of them have to shoot, into their usual breathing space off set, and Colin is skeptical of everything from top to bottom, his little mouth pursed and his eyes wandering over each inch like he's disappointed. If Jared can fill up an entire room with his mere presence, Colin can suck it all into himself, a little black hole of raised eyebrows and side glances at his brother. 

"Colin, this is Jensen," Jared says, one hand planted on Colin's back, his eyes on Jensen's as if to say _sorry about this_. 

"Hi," Colin says, flat. Jensen does his best not to laugh as he holds his hand out to shake. Colin looks over his shoulder to Jared, who grins and nods, before folding his small hand around Jensen's. 

It would be cruel to the kid to expect him not to perform well, expectations low enough that no one on the team expects it when Colin knocks it out of the park. It's almost shameful. His eyes are still wide when he steps onto the soundstage, head craning around to take in the cameras and the lights and the marks taped down on the ground. He's eleven playing eight, and when they call action Jared grabs onto Jensen's arm, fingers digging in as he watches his little brother deliver lines. 

Colin is as much a professional as Jared. He says his lines, bats his eyes to make himself look younger, cries when he's told to cry. It might have been nepotism that got him cast but Jensen can see a young Sam Winchester in him- face aside- through his serious questions and his furrowed eyebrows and the whiny voice that is one hundred percent the same one Jared has when he's playing Sam's more childish moments. 

"How many times did you go over this?" Jensen asks in a whisper between takes, leaned up against Jared's side. Jared looks down at him, all proud dimples, and shakes his head. 

"He won't read lines with me," he says on a laugh. "He wants to do it by himself." 

"Must run in the family," Jensen says, something he's heard about himself a dozen times over. He understands. He refused to run lines with his dad for years, before he was secure in his own acting identity. Jared beams and shushes him as Colin takes his place kneeling on the couch again, tiny elbows adjusted to fit continuity, matched up against a Polaroid. 

"I'm old enough, Dean," Colin says, perfect little kid innocence and little brother whine that has to come from real life. Jensen elbows Jared in the side. The kid has it. 

When they break, the director calling an end to Colin's scenes, Jared rushes onto the stage and scoops him up into his arms, a giant with a rag doll, and Colin kicks his legs and howls. Jensen can't help laughing as Jared throws Colin over his shoulder and carries him off to the trailers. 

The three of them celebrate Colin's first job with rocket pops that leave all of their mouths stained purple and send the makeup team into fits. 

\---

People think they're fucking. It's hilarious. 

Jensen is as bent as a coat hanger but Jared only has a thing for pretty girls with short skirts and tiny waists and stacked bookshelves. The studio hires a whole damn PR team for Jensen, gives him the names of nice actresses who need career boosts, and Jensen takes them out on public lunch dates and gives them chaste kisses in private public places where people who care can snap photos. Most of the women are nice and their photographed time together is filled with genuine laughter and sarcasm and an ease that can only happen when they both know they aren't ever going to fuck. 

There's a nice discreet bar in Vancouver that other actors frequent and keeps his dick wet and his profile low. It's enough. He's too busy doing his job and running after Jared to cultivate something as messy as a boyfriend who would have to stay shoved in a closet. He's got people that love him and people that want to suck him off and they might not overlap, but his needs are being met, _thanks very much, Jared/Mom/Mac_.

Jared is a shameless brat and shakes his ass and makes kissy faces at Jensen at every convention, spurring on the fans and Jensen can't help but play along, forever at Jared's mercy. A fan asks a question and Jared's mind goes straight to the gutter, no passing go, just straight down, and his whispered dirty jokes, too raunchy for a microphone, go into Jensen's ear and fuel the rumors further. Jensen loves Jared like a brother, but he's not blind. If Jared swung his way, Jensen would ruin him six ways to Sunday and do it again on Monday. It's probably for the best he doesn't. They've got something bigger than a roll in the sheets. 

\---

The second Jared lays eyes on Genevieve, he's a goner. Jensen is well versed in Jaredese and he sees it before Jared does. Gen ignores them both for the most part, keeps her head down and shows up when she's on the call sheet, barely cracks when they mess around during takes. Jared follows her around like an overgrown puppy, hands full of candy from the makeup trailer and book after book checked out from the library and cartoon hearts floating around his head. 

"Dude," Jensen says, three weeks into filming new Ruby's scenes. "Just ask her out." He's sick of the pining. He's pretty sure he can taste it in the back of his mouth. 

"What?" Jared's eyes go big, whites almost eating the irises. "I don't know what you're talking about." Jensen throws an M&M at him and manages to get him right on the tip of the nose. It's a good shot. 

"You're hot, man," Jensen says and Jared does that flustered hand wave thing, chin tucked toward his chest, forever playing himself down. When Jensen came out to him- messy stuttering around his words, because Jensen wasn't Dean, but emotional moments still made him squirrely and uncomfortable in the same way- Jared had tilted his head like a golden retriever before tackling him to the ground and giving him a noogie. If Jensen hadn't already loved him, that moment would have cemented it. "It's her loss if she says no."

Gen doesn't say no. 

\---

Colin comes back to Vancouver in the height of Canadian summer, already sweating through his t-shirt and basketball shorts when he shows up at their doorstep. It's summer break at school and the Padeleckis have decided he's old enough to stay a month at Jared and Jensen's place. Colin might be old enough for it, but Jared certainly isn't. 

"Come on, Jen," Jared pleads, all big eyes and exaggerated wobbly lower lip. It's already past ten PM and he's got one finger on the pizza delivery speed dial. "It's vacation. Let the kid live a little."

Colin is half asleep on the couch, head dipping down and rising back up again, his mouth set in a firm line as he tries to marathon through Austin Powers. He'll be out cold before Jared finishes ordering and already dreaming when the pizza arrives. 

"Order it if you want," Jensen says, flicking Jared between the eyebrows. Jared bites at his hand, snapping his teeth and catching the ball of Jensen's thumb with his freaky long tongue. "But I think he's done for the night." On cue, Colin cracks a wide yawn and burrows into the cushions. 

"I've yet to teach him the ways of a true actor," Jared says mournfully, even as he hits the dial button and holds the phone up to his ear. Jensen rolls his eyes and retreats to the living room. Jared's got a black hole instead of a stomach and will probably finish the whole pizza on his own. 

"Come on, kiddo," Jensen says softly when he reaches the couch. "Time for bed." Colin shoves his face deeper into the cushions, grumbling something about the movie. He's so much like Jared sometimes it's almost funny. "Colin."

"'m good," Colin slurs. Jensen sighs and scoops him up, ignoring the weak slaps to his arms. He's put a drunken Jared to bed more than once and he weighs a ton. Compared to him, Colin barely weighs anything. 

Jensen carefully tucks him into the guest room bed and grins when Colin passes out before he's had the chance to flip the light. 

\---

Colin has fight choreography and he's both excited and nervous about it. He practices it in the backyard after breakfast, Sadie running circles around him and getting between his feet. Jensen can hear him laughing and gently scolding her all the way from the kitchen as he loads the dishwasher. She's Jared's dog but her loyalty clearly lies with the younger brother and Jared never stops moping about it. 

"Yeah, mom, he's fine," Jared says into his phone, leaned back with his feet on the table. Jensen wants to swat them off- they _eat_ there- but it's technically Jared's table to do whatever he wants with. "Jensen's fine, too." Jared winks at him, exaggerated and mouth open, and Jensen gives him the finger. "Yeah, I'll ask. Mom-"

Jensen wanders away before he gets roped into taking the phone. His family's always been good to him and he loves them, but they're a quiet bunch. The Padeleckis very much aren't. Colin is a little more reserved than his siblings, but once he starts going it's impossible to shut him up. He's on a praying mantis kick and collects them in his cupped palms every time he finds one in the grass, holding them up for Jared and Jensen like a cat with a mouse. Jensen thinks they're creepy as hell, but he still smiles every time and pats Colin's back patiently while keeping his hands away from the freaky little things. 

"Tuck your thumb," Jensen says. The air is humid and so different from a Texas summer. Vancouver gets hot but it doesn't get _hot_. Texas is all dry heat with pounds of sun, but Vancouver is the sticky wet sort of heat that tends to linger. Colin is dripping with sweat, little chest bared to the sun, t-shirt balled up near the porch. If he's anything like Jared, he'll just turn a pleasant brown with a freckle here or there. Jensen's hands still itch to go grab the sunscreen, just in case.

"I have to fall three times," Colin says, even as he tucks his thumb under his fingers and practices the uppercut again. He'll have kneepads under his jeans on set and they'll run the first two takes slow, but Colin bites at his mouth and pretends to take a punch to the jaw. He spins and goes down, fresh cut grass smearing over his bare knees and turning them green. Jensen claps for him and laughs when Colin glowers. Sadie licks his face and his glare turns into a sweet little boy smile. 

They'll shoot the scenes with Brock first, get the coverage for close ups, and save the action scenes for last. There's time until Colin has to do his short fight, but he seems determined to get it down. It's endearing and respectable at the same time. 

"Here," Jensen says, kneeling in the grass in front of him. Even like this, Colin barely stands as tall as Jensen's head. Jensen holds his hands up, elbows braced. "Hit them. You don't want to actually hit the other guy, but you want to follow through like you really are."

Colin narrows his eyes, challenge accepted, and balls his fists up. Jensen gently adjusts the tuck of his thumb before holding his hands back up. The first few strikes are weak and a little off center, Colin swinging too wide. Jensen plants his knees in the dirt and flexes his fingers. 

"Hard as you can," he says. Colin frowns and takes up his starting stance. "Pretend my hands are something you really, really hate. Imagine a picture right here." Jensen points to his own palm and taps it once. "Focus on this part. When you're on set, you'll pass his face, but you still have to swing hard to make it look right. Go ahead. Promise I can take it."

Colin bounces on his toes, boxing stance at the ready and swings his right hand. His knuckles bounce off Jensen's hand, little stinging points of pain that fade as quickly as they arrive. He hesitates before throwing the next punch. Jensen catches his hand on the drawback and squeezes gently. 

"Don't stop in the middle. Keep going. Think about Sam." Jensen flexes his hands and holds them up again as targets, close to his face. If Colin gets sloppy, makeup is going to have to deal with a busted nose. "He's smart and strong and so damn mad. How would Sam do this? How do you think Jared would do this as grown-up Sam?"

They spend the better part of the afternoon together perfecting Colin's fight. He's a natural and mimics Jared's tics easily. Jensen feels the sunburn starting up on his face, sweat heavy over his body, but Colin doesn't stop until every move is perfect. Jensen calls it when Jared peeks his head out of the door and says he's made lunch. 

"Looks good, kiddo," Jensen says, ruffling Colin's hair into a mess. Colin frowns and smooths his hands over it, as if there's anyone to impress, and Jensen can't fight his grin. "Come on. Let's see what mess your brother left in the kitchen."

\---

He's twelve playing thirteen. Colin slips into a miniature version of Sam's Carhartt jacket and grabs the weathered backpack and changes his face into something more severe. Jensen and Jared hang around behind the camera, both of them technically done for the day but unwilling to leave Colin on his own. He's only allowed to shoot for a few hours at a time, but he's just as much a perfectionist as his brother without the security to fool around. 

Jared hangs onto Jensen's arm every time the camera rolls, mouth silently moving along with Colin's, lines long ago memorized. Jensen keeps his eyes on Colin, too, heart in his throat with each take. They don't have to worry. Colin nails his lines, gets the expressions just right, hits all of his marks. Every time they cut, Colin searches them out and they both give him wide, goofy smiles and throw their thumbs up. 

It takes a week to get to the fight choreography. Jared has to go to makeup for some bruising and it's almost painful to watch him hesitate behind the cameras. Jensen catches his hand and squeezes twice. He can feel the sweat on Jared's palm, knows the feeling of heart in throat. He's met Colin a handful of times and already is willing to bleed for the kid. He can only imagine how much Jared worries for him. Neither of them were child actors and the job might be the same, but it's still different. 

"I've got him," Jensen says quietly. Dean has wrapped for the day and Jensen's back in his own jeans and t-shirt. He'll have to scrub off the makeup at some point, but he's got the time to watch Colin's big moment. Jared frowns, whole face falling, and Jensen squeezes his hand again. "I'll be here. Go on. Fix your face." Jared snorts and disentangles their hands. 

"Let me know how it goes," he says. Jensen rolls his eyes and gets nearly blinded as a lighting rig moves around them. 

"I will. Go on." Jensen shoves him once and Jared trips over his own feet. "I'm here for him." Jared waves at Colin and lingers for another moment before finally getting herded away by a frantic PA. 

They set up the lights and Colin stands on his mark for his coverage. Jensen can't grab onto Jared so he fists his hand into the hem of his shirt, nails biting in through the cotton. They do Colin's closeups and then his wide shots. Between takes his eyes scan over the crew before landing on Jensen. Jensen blows a raspberry and feels inordinately pleased when Colin grins, nothing more than the brat drenched in dog slobber and begging for imported maple candies. 

When they do the takes for the fight, Jensen's chest feels tight with pride. Colin doesn't pull his punches, follows through with each one, doesn't hesitate between moves. His fist is still a little awkward, but it makes sense for a kid play fighting as an adult and his uppercut is a thing of beauty. 

When they call cut, Colin runs off the location set and straight into Jensen's body. Jensen catches him with a grunt, rocking back onto his heels to absorb the impact. He gathers him up and hugs him tight, Colin's legs dangling a foot off the ground. 

"You did good, kiddo," he says into Colin's messy hair. "I'm so proud of you." Colin is all pink cheeks and shy smile when he's set back onto his feet. 

"I did good?" He asks and it damn near breaks Jensen's heart. 

"You did great," he says. Not a syllable of a lie. "Come on, I bet we can get some popsicles out of Rick." Colin takes his hand without complaint and Jensen has to control the explosion in his chest. He's so proud he could burst. He's already waiting for Jared to do endless rewinding when the episode airs. 

\---

Season break is always a weird time for a few weeks before they start on the convention circuit. Jensen spends the first few days back home in Texas doing absolutely nothing at all, couch potatoing it and letting the stress from shooting slide off him. Jared usually shows up on day three, carting a bag of books and whatever new barbecue or hot sauce he's found and wants to try. 

The crew think they're weird and codependent and even Jensen's mom has hinted that maybe their relationship isn't quite as platonic as he tells her it is, but it really is. Jared doesn't do well alone and Jensen likes his steady presence and the way he'll sometimes pop his head up from his book to read off some bizarre fact. They can sit in silence together for hours, just happy in each other's company. Supernatural has given Jensen more than he ever could have asked for, but he's most thankful for it bringing the two of them together. If he killed someone tomorrow, Jared would help him hide the body, no questions asked. You can't buy that kind of friendship. 

Second week of break is when the families come down. Their moms are terrible gossips and their dads fight over grilling rights and Mac and Megan are as thick as thieves. Jensen never knows who's going to show up at his breakfast table, what mishmash of Padeleckis and Ackles have taken over his spare rooms instead of Jared's and it tends to change each night. It makes the big house feel warm and full of life in a way it usually doesn't. Second week of season break is Jensen's favorite, even if it leaves him feeling exhausted at the end. 

"Gen's going to come for family week," Jared says, chewing on the corner of his thumbnail. He doesn't look up from his book, folded up in the recliner that Jensen bought specifically for him. There's a loveseat at Jared's place that solely belongs to Jensen. Maybe they are weird. 

"Finally time to meet the parents?" Jensen asks with a slow grin. They've been dating for a year and some change. Jared hasn't lost the stars in his eyes every time he says her name. He grimaces and bites down harder into his nail. "They're going to love her."

"Yeah, but what if she doesn't like them?" Jared asks. Jensen chucks a throw pillow at him and laughs when Jared glares at him. 

"She puts up with you," he says. "I think she'll like them just fine." Jared sticks his tongue out, eyes scrunched shut. The tension drains for a second before his shoulders go back up to his ears. Jensen waits it out. Jared has never had a secret he didn't spill, but he has to do it in his own time. He carefully sets his book on the coffee table face down and reaches back into his backpack, chewing on his lower lip. 

"I'm uh-" He digs into the front pocket and folds his gigantic hand around something. He looks down at his closed fist for a long moment, color high on his cheeks, and takes a deep breath. "I'm going to propose." He opens his fingers and shows the classy black ring box with red ribbon wrapped around it. 

"No shit?" Jensen's up off the couch before he even thinks about it. He hauls Jared into his arms and squeezes him tight, his own breath leaving him at the impact of their chests. Jared laughs a little hysterically, the ring box dropping to the floor as he wraps his arms around Jensen's back. "Holy fuck, man. You're growing up." Jared laughs again and it sounds a little wet. He headbutts Jensen gently but doesn't let go. 

"Alright, alright," Jensen says, eventually shoving Jared back. He ignores Jared's sniffle and damp eyes. "Show me the ring."

It's beautiful. Of course it is. 

\---

The families show up in fits and starts, cars filling Jensen's driveway to the brim. Jared has already taken over the kitchen, piling beer and ribs and brats and vegan patties for Megan into the fridge. He's a terrible cook and once nearly blew up a propane tank when he was given charge of the grill, but he's a stockpiler and tends to shake his nerves out by organizing. 

Jensen accepts hug after hug, kisses his mom's and Sherri's cheeks, shakes hands with Jeff and Gerald. Colin has grown a solid three inches since the last time Jensen saw him, but he's still a skinny little thing and Jensen lifts him clean off his feet and swings him in a circle that threatens all the nearby furniture. He's not always going to be so easy to manhandle. 

"Oh my God, put me down," Colin wails, hands clawing at Jensen's wrists, but he's laughing. His voice cracks and Jensen winces in sympathy. Puberty in the public eye is going to be a bitch. 

"Nice to see you, movie star," Jensen taunts as he sets Colin back down onto the floor. Colin sticks his tongue out and it's such a Jared move that Jensen's chest aches. "You'll have to tell me about Chris Evans, now that you're too good for TV."

"Oh my God," Colin says again, but he's beaming and proud of himself. He should be. Jensen's proud of him, too. 

Mac barely touches him before getting distracted by Megan and Jensen would be offended but he understands the draw of the Padelecki clan. The fight over the grill has turned into a competition. Jared hauled his smoker over at Jensen's urging, arms full and face red because he was too proud to break it down. It's only a two block walk between their houses, but the smoker is at least two hundred pounds and Jensen is both impressed and endlessly exasperated with Jared's need to make things harder than they have to be. He leaves the delegation of meat and meat substitutes to Jared and doesn't feel bad about it at all. Next time, Jared can have everyone invade his place. 

"Can I help?" Colin asks as Jensen unloads enough pre-bought sides to choke a horse. He's got to put some stuff in the oven and some stuff on the stove, but his job is definitely the easiest one. 

"Think I've got it," Jensen says. It's fall in Texas, barely even eighty degrees and perfect for a kid to go play out in, but Colin is the youngest by ten years at least. He doesn't have anyone to entertain himself with and is too old to enjoy a sandbox anymore. It's got to be lonely. "You ever learn the right way to make sweet tea?"

"I can make it better than you," Colin says, chin up and chest puffed out. Jensen does his best not to laugh and leaves Colin with two empty pitchers, a box of Lipton, some lemons, and the whole bag of sugar. It'll be a mixer for almost everyone but him, but Colin hauls himself onto the counter and starts juicing the lemons with a singular focus as Jensen starts the oven up. 

In the end, Gerald calls dibs on the racks of ribs and Jensen's father makes a claim on the burgers and brats. Gerald gets the smoker since it belongs to his kid. They split the veggie burgers, which will be the true test. Jensen doesn't plan on being a judge. He wants his burger made from cow and so red inside it's still mooing. When he asks, Colin agrees. Kid has taste. 

The meat on the grill is just starting to give off that summertime backyard smell when the doorbell rings. It's pure luck that Jensen is in the kitchen, somehow stuck on corn husking duty with Colin, and is there to hear it. Jensen shakes his wet hands off in Colin's general direction, gets a gaggle of high pitched laughter when water droplets smack into the kid's face, and goes to answer the door. 

"Hey," Gen says, shuffling a little on her platform sandals, the handle of her rolling suitcase held carefully in her hand. She lets it go to give Jensen a brief hug before pulling away. "Jared said I should just come straight here?"

"Colin," Jensen shouts, forcing himself to keep a straight face when Gen startles at the volume. Colin pops his head around the corner between the kitchen and the living room. Somehow, he's managed to get a few kernels of corn in his hair but there's no way Jensen is going to say anything. "Tell Jared he's got some company." 

"You tell him," Colin mutters, just loud enough to hear, but the screen door bangs shut a few moments later. Gen is on the front porch, dressed too formally for the occasion, her eyebrows raised as she looks at the space Colin just vacated. 

"C'mon in." Jensen tucks her bags against the wall in the front hallway and locks the front door again. He's got three pots on the boil and needs to get back to the kitchen sooner rather than later, but there's one important thing he has to do before Jared comes running. "This is the part where I tell you he's my best friend."

"I know," Gen says, carefully laying her tasteful sweater over the handle of her luggage. She tilts her head back to look him in the eye, smiling softly. "I think we can skip the death threats. You don't want to see him hurt, I don't want to hurt him." Her smile turns sly as the screen door slams again. "Unless he wants it that way."

"You're a dirty girl," Jensen says, mock scandalized. Gen laughs and then laughs harder as she's swept into Jared's arms, so small next to his bulk. The world is closed to them and Jensen looks away. Colin is in the kitchen waiting for him, anyway, digging through the drawers and pulling out the biggest spoons to stab into the grocery store bowls. "C'mon, kiddo. Let's set the tables."

Jensen's family, bless them, mostly leaves Gen alone beyond greeting her. Jensen almost feels sorry for her once the Padeleckis smell the girlfriend blood in the air and swarm. Colin, who was almost as much a part of Jared's bizarre courting rituals as Jensen was, takes advantage of his family's distraction to pluck the choicest pieces of meat off the grill before anyone else can get to it. Jensen follows right after him and leads them toward a shaded part of the yard where they can enjoy their ribs in peace. 

They all stay out in the yard until the sun goes down, trading stories and catching up like they don't talk every few weeks. Jensen makes his rounds and drinks his beers and gets roped into a messy game of lawn darts with the dads and Josh. It makes him think of being Colin's age, summer and neighborhood kids screaming with glee and chasing each other around while their parents got smashed off cheap beer and good barbeque. 

As the night winds down, Jensen gets the itch to take a breather. Jared has boundless energy, is always drawing attention to himself so he can spend time with people, but Jensen eventually runs dry. He ducks into the house to pull out the ice cream to thaw a little, his own stomach so full it could pop, and grabs himself the last of the beer. It's his house. He's got ownership of the contents of the fridge. 

The crickets are out, their chirps the soundtrack as Jensen settles down on the bottom step of the porch, far enough away to discourage conversation but close enough that he can see everyone, nursing his IPA. Tomorrow, he's going to be running all over Austin on the moms’ annual shopping trip while Jared deals with entertaining the siblings. For now, he can lean into the porch rail and rest, taking in the sounds of family all around him. 

He's not surprised when Colin joins him, sitting near and just as quiet. Jeff is sociable and boisterous, especially once he's got a few drinks in him. Megan is sly and sweet and can talk a mile a minute when she gets going. Jared's a healthy mix of both, the loudest and most charming one in any situation. Colin is the little black sheep, shares Jensen's need for quiet time in a way his siblings don't. He takes himself a little too seriously, hunches in at little jokes that Jared or Jeff would laugh off, tries to make himself larger in the face of his gigantic family and sometimes misses the mark. 

They sit together in companionable silence as the party goes on in front of them. Eventually the yard lights kick on, turning everything just a little yellow like a film reel left outside too long. Colin sighs, a big sound for his little body, and Jensen's attention snaps to him, already waiting. 

"Can I ask you something?" Colin scuffs at the grass with the heel of his bare foot, eyes locked on the dirt. A bottle of root beer dangles between his knobby knees, tanned under the fray of his cutoff jeans. Jensen knocks their shoulders together. 

"Of course. Anything." Jensen takes a drink of his beer and looks over his lawn, filled up with too many bodies. The food is long gone but the smell of mesquite chips still hangs heavy in the air. A firefly lands on Jared's head, golden ass blinking in a confused rhythm, and Gen laughs as she carefully scoops it up. It's a late summer night out of a movie but better, because Jensen can feel it in his whole body like an anchor holding him in the moment. 

"How-" Colin huffs, nose scrunched up. He stiffens his shoulders and looks at Jensen straight on, determination written all over his face. "How did you figure out you're gay?" Jensen doesn't quite choke on his beer, but it's a near thing. 

"What?"

"How did you figure out you're gay?" Colin asks again, voice more sure this time. Jensen swallows down the lump in his throat and fights off the urge to cough. He's never made it a secret to people who know him, not to the Padeleckis or his own family, but Colin still feels like a little kid, even if Jensen had already started kissing boys and girls both at his age. 

"I-" Jensen takes another drink of his beer and turns so he's facing Colin head on. It's only fair. "I experimented. Kissed some girls, kissed some boys-" stuck his hand down Sarah Sanders' skirt and Jamie Beck's shorts and found out that he liked the feel of cock more than he liked the feel of pussy, even if he didn't know what to do with either- "and figured out what felt better to me. Girls were nice, but I liked boys better. Are you- Have you been thinking about it?"

Colin lowers his head and nods, hunching in on himself. Jensen gently taps the toe of his sneaker against Colin's ankle until the kid looks back up at him. Jensen lays a careful hand on the nape of Colin's bird thin neck and gives him a little shake. 

"It's okay," he says softly. He tries to think of everything he wanted to hear when he needed it most, what words of comfort he would have given himself, but that's the most important thing. "It's alright. You're thirteen and things are… changing for you. You don't have to figure it out yet. You're a cute kid. Jared and Jeff are going to have to beat them back with a stick." Colin's lips twitch up but he doesn't fully smile. 

"I-" Colin scoots closer on the step, leaning in against Jensen's side. It's automatic to wrap him up and hug him, Jensen's closed hands resting against Colin's skinny back. "I think I have a crush on a guy." Colin mumbles it into Jensen's chest and Jensen closes his eyes and fights back a sigh. He squeezes Colin tighter. Things have changed since Jensen was a teenager, but being queer in Texas still isn't easy. Not even for him, a full grown man with a big house and a successful career and people that scream the room down when they see him. 

"Don't tell Jared."

"I won't," Jensen says against the top of Colin's head. He smells like menthol shampoo and sweat, teen boy just coming into himself. It makes Jensen nostalgic for his own youth, a decade and a half away. "You know he wouldn't be mad, right?" Colin nods, his arms winding around Jensen's waist. 

"I know, I just." Colin huffs, damp and too hot through Jensen's shirt, even in the cooler night air. "I'm not ready for him to know." Jensen rocks him once, heart aching, before carefully putting him at arm's length. He ducks his head and meets Colin's eyes. 

"You can call me anytime, okay?" He tightens his hands on Colin's shoulders. Those Padelecki boys, he thinks. They're going to be the death of him. When Colin doesn't say anything Jensen nudges him. "I mean it. Or text me. You're so young. You've got time to figure it out." He grins and thumps his hand against the side of Colin's head, same way he’s done to Jared a thousand times. "Besides, you're Sam freaking Winchester. You can do anything." 

Colin does laugh then, in his subdued way that sounds like Jared but isn't as loud. Jensen looks across the yard and finds Jared watching them, Gen still in his lap but his eyebrows tucked together. Jensen shakes his head once and Jared frowns, but goes back to his conversation with Jensen's dad. He's sweating visibly and the rest of the group probably thinks it's just the heat, but Jensen knows the thing that's burning a hole in his pocket. 

"Come on," Jensen says, finishing his beer and standing up. He holds his hand out to Colin and pulls him to his feet. He straightens Colin's t-shirt and tucks his hair behind his ears. He's blotchy pink, eyes a little red, but the night will cover it from anyone who isn't looking too closely. "Jared's going to do something and I think he'd like you to be there." Colin doesn't let go of his hand as they walk across the yard and maybe he's too old for it, but Jensen doesn't make him let go. 

Jared tries to start three times. Jensen sees his hands flutter to Gen's hips before skittering away, sees the subtle bulge of the box in his pocket that he keeps touching when he thinks people aren't looking. Eventually Jensen bugs his eyes out and makes a dumb face and Jared's nervous demeanor cracks. He takes a deep breath and carefully slides Gen off his lap and into the lawn chair. 

Jensen puts his fingers to his mouth and whistles as loud as he can. Colin covers his ears and glares, but Jensen just ruffles his hair and grins. The whole party goes quiet and Gen turns her head to the side as Jared paces in front of her chair. They really are a match. Jensen squeezes Colin's hand and tips his chin toward Jared. He can feel the racing of Jared's heart from fifty feet away. 

"Gen-" Jared starts. 

He scrubs his hands through his hair, leaving it messy and somehow even more charming. He takes a big breath, whole chest expanding, before kneeling down in front of her. Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen sees Sherri's hand fly to her mouth. Gerald holds her close and kisses her cheek. 

"Gen, you are the most amazing person I have ever met," Jared says, voice shaking. "From the day I first saw you, I knew I needed to be around you however you'd have me. And I am so out of my league here, but I want to be the most amazing person you know, too, and I'm willing to spend my whole life getting there." 

Gen's already crying as Jared reaches into his pocket, mascara dripping down over her cheeks and hands crossed over her heart. When Jared pops the cover of the box, she lets out a gasping breath that shakes Jensen down to his core. 

"Will you marry me?"

Gen says yes. She would be stupid not to. 

Someone turns the outdoor speakers on and starts playing music. Jensen wants to scoop Jared into his arms and hug him until he can't breathe, but Gen seems to have that covered, all few itty bitty inches of her wrapped around Jared. Instead, he lifts Colin's hand, still in his, and leads him into a ridiculous dance, spinning him and making dumb faces and doing the worst tango that has ever been done in all of history. 

Colin laughs wide and bright, stumbling along and tripping over his own feet, all of the worry he'd been wearing falling away. He tries to lead a few times and Jensen lets him, swooning dramatically when Colin tries to dip him and laughing when they both nearly topple to the grass. He's going to be a little heartbreaker someday, boys or girls or both, and he's going to be loved. 

When Jensen breaks out the champagne, he makes sure to douse Jared first before pouring for everyone. Jared gets him back by hugging him, rubbing booze into his shirt and skin. Jensen carefully makes sure to be looking somewhere else when Colin steals a few sips from his glass and doesn't laugh at the way Colin's nose crinkles at the taste. 

Second week off season is always Jensen's favorite. This is the best one so far.

\---

The first text Jensen gets from Colin is in the middle of a shoot. Colin is expected to be on set in a few weeks, just a few days for a short scene, but it's been two months since the barbeque in the backyard and Jensen has been waiting for it. It's nothing too personal, just a grainy little shot of the Padelecki backyard covered with spring weeds starting up, the tarp over the pool halfway off. It probably needs a good debugging and a fresh change of water because none of them ever drain it before winter, but it still makes Jensen grin, his fake blood cracking against his cheeks. 

_Swim some laps for me_ , he sends back and gets herded back onto set. 

Colin mostly starts conversations with photos. Sometimes they're something he's seen that he thinks is funny or pretty or peaceful, snapshots of his world rendered down to tiny pixels and made lesser because of it. Sometimes it's pictures of himself- a few of him bent over laughing at a joke Jensen doesn't know or straight faced as he delivers lines for the bit parts he's been picking up over the years, clearly taken by someone else and forwarded on. Other times it's selfies, messy framing of his goofy smile, his arm held out as far as he can get it and the angles forever awkward. 

Occasionally, Jensen will send a photo back. Some of the locations they go to steal his breath and he shares it with anyone who will look and some that won't. Sometimes Jared steals his phone and takes messy photos of the two of them goofing off, making kissy faces at each other or plotting their next prank or just sitting cheek to cheek to fit into frame. Sometimes makeup does something so interesting with his face or body that he thinks Colin will appreciate and he sneaks off into a corner, uses up too much memory on his phone; getting the right angle to show how cool or gross it looks. 

He keeps waiting for Colin to bring up the elephant in the room, but he's silent about it all the way to his shoot dates. He wants to ask about the boy Colin has a crush on, wants to know if Colin has tried his own experiments yet, wants to know if he and Jared have to go intimidate some kid into behaving with their boy, but he keeps his mouth shut and waits. Colin is like Jared. They always spill. It just takes time. 

\---

Colin's fourteen playing fourteen and he wanders into Jensen's trailer before going anywhere else on set. Jared catches him around the stomach and noogies him and is a general nuisance. Jensen leans back in his chair and watches, laughing as Colin and Jared each get one hand in the other's hair, landing themselves in an awkwardly hunched standoff until Colin finally calls uncle. 

Jensen's greeting is a less dramatic hug. Colin's forehead just bumps against his sternum and he's always going to be thin, but he's not as small as he was even at the barbecue. He's been asking them both for workouts and playing soccer when he can, but Jensen still expected to see a scrawny little thing. 

"C'mon, kid," Jensen says, rocking Colin side to side. Jared catches his eye over Colin's shoulder, face soft. "Dinner before they make you pretty." Colin sticks his tongue out, close enough that Jensen can feel the warmth of his breath against his chin, before requesting sushi. No kid Jensen has ever met before likes sushi, but then Colin hasn't really ever been like any other kid. 

The three of them catch up over dinner. Jared doesn't need to be on set for another few hours, one of those hellacious two AM shoots that will leave him loopy the next day and dangerous to anyone not smart enough to brace themselves for whatever mischief his sleep deprived mind will come up with. He'll probably pass out in his trailer and leave Jensen with the job of taking care of Colin in the morning, but he's only missed one of Colin's shoots and he doesn't want to miss another. 

Instead he eats his bodyweight in rice and salmon, stealing Colin's ginger every time Colin looks towards Jensen to tell him another story. His fascination with bugs has turned into a fascination with surfing and four wheeling, which Jensen can actually contribute to. It's the best on set dinner Jensen has had in a long time, and he doesn't even complain about how raw fish isn't meant for people. 

It's weird lining up with Colin instead of Jared in front of the cameras. He knows every last one of Jared's moves and tics and general ideas about how Sam reacts, but Colin has a lot of running around to do and a lot of prop work and has his own thoughts about Sam as a teenager. Jensen doesn't have to worry, he knows he doesn't, but he still scans the area behind the cameras to find Jared. Jared, who has a thumbnail in his mouth and his free hand tight on his elbow, the space between his eyebrows wrinkled in. 

It's part Sam, part Colin that dances under the almost real fireworks, his face flashing colors and his eyes wide and bright. He looks ridiculous, spinning and jumping and laughing so wide that Jensen worries he'll swallow the sparks down. His eyes flash red and blue and green under the lights when he finds Jensen's- Dean's- and it hits him, both of them trapped in one body- that the boy in front of him is beautiful and magical and needs to be protected at all costs. 

It could be character bleed, but when they call cut and Colin whoops, his voice echoing out over the field, Jensen's heart squeezes down too tight. When Colin sprints across scorched grass to tackle himself into Jensen's waist, it's all Jensen hugging back, proud and awed and feeling too sweet. He survives Colin's tackle but Jared takes them both down to the ground until they're a pile of messy limbs and sweaty clothes, the smell of burnt out explosions in the air all around them. In the sky, gray-white trails of smoke spiral up higher and higher until they fade away. 

"Oh my God," Colin whines when they've suffocated him too much, squirming his way out from under the pile. "It's one scene." Jared flops onto his back and grins up into the smoke, Jensen still half on top of him. Colin pokes at Jensen's hip with the toe of his sneaker. "Are there still popsicles?" Jensen laughs and gets shoved from one side and yanked at from the other until he's on his feet. 

"I think we can find some," he says. Jared's still on his back, all of his attention like a laser beam on his little brother, his smile so fond it hurts to look at. "I've got him if you want to crash here tonight," he tells his co-star.

"If I wake up before ten tomorrow, please shoot me," Jared groans. He hooks one leg around Colin's, making him stumble a bit and glare, face pinched. "You did good, Col. I'll see you tomorrow."

Colin doesn't acknowledge Jared at all, but he's pink as he grabs Jensen's wrist and starts to haul him towards catering, Jared's laughter following them the whole way. There aren't any rocket pops, but Joe finds them some blueberry soft serve and Colin eats all of his and half of Jensen's, his mouth stained blue and his whole body drooping when he finishes. It's one AM and even the sugar rush won't save him. 

"Jensen," Colin says, halfway through a yawn when they finally get home. Jensen tucks him in tight to his side and leads him to the guest room, dragging him as much as helping him walk, makes a curious sound in the right place. "I do like boys. I didn't wanna write it, but you said I could tell you."

"Glad you did," Jensen says, honest as he can be. He drops Colin onto his bed and helps pull off his shoes. "It's okay."

"Still-" Colin yawns again, mouth stretching wide, before turning onto his side, sleepy eyes half slit watching Jensen's face. "Still got that crush."

"Lucky guy." Jensen smooths back the mess of Colin's hair and turns off the light. He isn't the wide-eyed eleven year old kid anymore, but he still makes Jensen want to wrap him in bubbles and wall him off, makes him feel something tender and soft and batshit terrified. As long as Colin doesn't protest being babied, Jensen doesn't plan on stopping. As long as Colin has room in that gigantic heart of his, Jensen plans on setting up camp in at least a small part of it. 

\---

Three weeks before the end of filming, Jared wanders into Jensen's room downstairs, eyes distant and steps wobbly. Jensen rests his guitar against the wall and scoots over on the loveseat, dragging Jared down when Jared just stands there, frozen. 

"Dude," Jared says, voice weak. He stares down at his hands, flexing his fingers. "Dude."

"Bro," Jensen answers, since they're apparently back in middle school. When Jared doesn't answer, he locks his hand around a bony wrist and squeezes. "Talk to me, man. Is everything okay?" Jared breathes out a shaky sigh and twists his arm until they're holding hands, his knuckles digging into Jensen's. "You're freaking me out." 

"Gen just called," Jared eventually says. His grip tightens, bruising and painful, but Jensen hides his wince and holds on. "Jen. Holy shit, Jen" He laughs, voice cracking, eyes going wet, and Jensen can't help the way his heart jumps up into his throat, ready for the worst news, ready to anchor Jared down if he needs it. "I'm- we- she's- _Fuck_. I'm gonna be a dad. Jesus Christ, we're pregnant and I'm going to be a _dad_. What the hell? Who let that happen? I'm going to drop it or squeeze it too tight or switch milk with beer or something, or- Jensen, I'm gonna be a _dad_."

It's like a punch and an explosion all at once. Jared still looks shell shocked and, knowing him, he's feeling everything Jensen is magnified by a thousand. Pride and terror and joy and a swirl of disbelief. To him, Jared has been and always will be that kid that cracked a bad joke on their first chemistry read, head too big for his body and flower print shirt even bigger. To him, Jared is getting plastered and crying at each other over dumb things and waking up at two in the morning and talking until ten about everything and nothing, both of them laughing so hard that their abs hurt the next day. 

To someone else, Jared is going to be _Dad_. It's impossible to believe and at the same time Jensen can already see the way Jared will look at his kid, already knows that it's going to be the most loved person on the entire planet. The two images keep overlapping like one of those magic eye puzzles, three dimensional and two at once, not quite fitting together but just right all the same. 

"Say something, man, I'm freaking out."

"I call dibs on godfather," Jensen eventually says. Jared laughs so hard he falls off the couch, dragging Jensen down with him. Jensen lands on top of him and stays there, holding him steady against the ground. "You're gonna do great. You're gonna be a good dad." Jensen smacks a kiss against Jared's forehead, Jared's face smushed between his palms. Jared knees him in the thigh, wrestling against him until they're both sweaty and panting and worn out. 

"I'm scared shitless," Jared says, once they've gotten their breaths back. Jensen knocks a loose fist against Jared's chest. 

"That's good," he says, laughing when Jared makes a face at him. "Means you care." 

When Jared eventually leaves to go back to his own room to make the calls to his family, Jensen pulls out his laptop. He's thrilled for Jared, all the way down to his bones, but his chest feels heavy as he pulls up real estate brokers for next year. It's the end of an era and Jared is growing out of their little bachelor pad, growing up with each passing day, and Jensen has to grow up, too. Now is as good a time as any to start. 

\---

Week two off filming, back in Texas, is still family week and the family has grown to involve another set of parents. It doesn't keep Jared from sleeping off too many beers in one of Jensen's guest rooms, his eyes terrified at even the thought of going back to his own house with Gen's mom watching him closely. They've traded siblings, Colin holing up at Jensen's place and Mac sharing a room with Megan at Jared's. Their parents have gone back and forth between, depending on who has the better breakfast options, but Gen and her parents have stayed in Jared's guest rooms for the whole trip. It's messy, but it's working so far. 

"Mom is going to lose her shit," Jared says, half asleep and phone in hand, hair wild around his head. Jensen raises his eyebrows and Jared hands over his phone. "Seriously, she's going to freak."

Instagram is pulled up and it takes Jensen a second to understand what he's seeing, still only a few sips into his first coffee of the morning and fog-brained. The color is all washed out, tan and blue with blown out spots, but when he realizes what's in the photo it wakes him up better than any cup of coffee could. 

Colin's leaning back on his elbows, head tilted down towards the phone in his hand as he lines up the shot in the mirror. His legs are spread in the foreground, the blue of his jeans the only real color and the rise of his belt buckle so obviously the focal point. At the right angle, it looks like he's showing off a stiffy. Beyond that he's shirtless, thin chest and and narrow waist saturated so there's few details, but one nipple is right there, pink and mosquito bite small. His shoulders and the dip between them from his neck are sharp, bent just right to make his collar bones stand out and his arms are flexed just enough to show that he's been following Jared's workout routine. 

Jensen has gotten these sorts of images from guys before hookups. He's sent these sort of images. It's unsettling to see Colin, fifteen and still so small, blatantly showing off his body. Testing the waters of sexuality on a way too public platform. Baby's first softcore, Jensen thinks hysterically and shoves the phone back at Jared. Their mom is _definitely_ going to freak out. _Jensen_ is freaking out. Those were _his_ guest room sheets under Colin's back. 

"I think that's illegal in most states," he says, his voice high. Jared thumps the phone against his forehead twice and sighs with his whole body. 

"Tell him to pull it down," he says. Jensen takes a step back, hands raised like he can ward off the look he already knows is coming. 

"Me? He's your brother." 

"Exactly," Jared says and there it is, those big sad eyes and head dip and wobbly lip. "He won't listen to me, but he worships you. He'll do it if you tell him to."

"Jared-"

"Please, Jensen?" Jared turns up the lip wobble before going in for the kill. "He's my baby brother. I can't think about all those people perving on him." Jensen hates him sometimes. 

"You're such an asshole," he mutters, grabbing his coffee and bagel. "Fine, I'll talk to him. But you owe me bourbon. The good shit." Jared beams, all dimples, and Jensen can't even be mad that he's been so clearly played. 

In his room with the door closed, Jensen finishes his coffee and picks at his bagel as he tries to figure out what to say. He can't stop thinking about Colin's sprawling limbs, a teenager playing at being a man, and it makes something strange twist in his gut. Thousands of people have already seen it. Some have probably saved it, jerk-off material freely given. It enrages him to think of someone eyeing the bareness of Colin's body, makes fire boil up through his veins to imagine anyone touching him or even thinking about it. 

Jensen popped his cherry at fourteen, a handful of days before his birthday, in the basement of Jake Clark's house when they were supposed to be studying for a government test. It had been a fumbling, sticky mess that lasted all of three minutes if he was being generous, but they eventually figured it out over that year. Jensen still can't think of Colin doing that. Can barely think about someone kissing him sweet and chaste and the way he deserves, let alone-

Jensen considers stalling by refilling his mug but forces himself to walk down the hall and knock on Colin's door. Like ripping a band-aid off. 

"Hey," Colin says as the door swings open, a little breathless, still bare chested and wearing gym shorts instead of jeans. He's pink cheeked and sweaty, probably mid-workout. It would be an easy excuse to get away, leave him to it, but Jensen's already here and he told Jared he would. "What's up?"

"You know what's up," Jensen says, as sternly as he can. He's never been disappointed in Colin before, never had reason, but he feels it now. Colin's throat works on a swallow and he steps back into the room, letting Jensen in before closing the door. Jensen leans against the dresser, hands planted on top of it, bare foot scuffing against the carpet. "You have to take it down."

"Why?" Colin asks, shuffling across the room to drop onto the bed. The bed he'd taken that fucking picture on in the first place, mouth pinched. "It's not that bad. Jared's been topless on TV and Jeff posts swimsuit stuff all the time. It's not like it's a nude." Jensen’s fingers tighten against the oak. Jesus. Does Colin have _nudes_? His stomach knots. 

"Does it…." Colin ducks his head, hair sticking to his forehead and pink spreading over his cheeks before he meets Jensen's eyes head on. It's like being a butterfly on a pinboard. "Do I look bad?" 

What does he even say to that? _No, you just look like an attractive teenager getting ready for the casting couch,_ or maybe _do you know what people would do to you if you let them?_ or _don't grow up, not like that, not yet_. 

"You're an actor," Jensen tries. "You have to think about your image." He winces at his own words as soon as they're out. His dad had told him that the first time he caught Jensen with another boy, sat him down and told him to be careful before he could ruin his career. It had sat like a shameful rock inside his gut for years, weighing him down and making his chest feel too tight. It isn't fair to do the same thing to Colin. Jensen shakes his head and tries again. "Why'd you post it?"

"I felt good," Colin mumbles. He flops back onto the mattress, arms and legs spread wide, and Jensen flinches when he catches himself comparing it to the picture burned behind his eyelids. "I thought I looked good. I wanted to show off." 

Jensen closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. There are photos of him at seventeen and eighteen stripped down to his underwear, legitimate only because the person taking them was being paid by a studio. He's signed some of those photos at conventions, made himself laugh and smile for fans as he got thrown back into being too stupid to know he could just say _no_. Too stupid to use his talent instead of his body, too stupid to not pout his mouth and eat less than he should have to impress people he didn't give a fuck about. 

This is different but the same. If Colin were someone else- not in the public eye, not Jared's little brother, not someone that sits under Jensen's skin- it wouldn't be a big deal. An ordinary kid doing normal things. But he's not and it is and Jensen feels sick thinking of Colin going through the same objectification wheel that he did, spurred on by himself in a few moments of teenage pride. 

"Was it for that boy?" Jensen asks. It feels like nails climbing up his throat to say the words, but he has to know if he can even start to help. Colin cocks his head. "The one you've had the crush on. You still like him? Was it for him?" Colin huffs out a breath through his nose, too bitter for fifteen. 

"Yeah," he mutters. When he sits up properly, he crosses his arms over his stomach, hunching in over himself to hide the nakedness that he'd shown off so easily earlier. There is no easy win and it cuts Jensen in half. Rocket pops aren't going to fix it this time. He forces his heavy legs across the room and sits down next to Colin, bumping their shoulders together. "I don't think it worked," Colin says.

"If your guy hasn't realized that you're great yet, he's not worth it," Jensen says. When he reaches out, Colin falls into him easily, warm cheek against his throat and arm curling around his waist. Jensen presses his mouth against the top of Colin's head, lingering too long, but Colin smells like sweat and sugary coffee and a little like Jared. He tugs Colin in tighter for one second before gently pushing him away, palms cupped over the bare curve of his shoulders. He raps his knuckles against Colin's temple twice. "Pretty fades. It's up here that counts, okay? If this little jackass hasn't already fallen in love with you, it's time to look somewhere else instead of going full Playgirl, alright?" 

Colin snorts, tossing his head to get the hair out of his eyes. He's got so, so many hearts to break out there and Jensen is willing to put the fear of God into anyone that does the same to him. Whoever this little fucker is that caught Colin good and hasn't noticed needs a punch to the head. 

"Take it down. Save the softcore for at least another few years, alright?" Jensen tugs at a handful of Colin's hair and sticks out his tongue. Colin laughs, soft but pleased.

"One year," Colin argues. It's still too young, still too vulnerable, but Jensen doesn't have any say, no matter how much it pains him to give in.

"Year and a half," he says anyway. Colin catches the loose drawstring of Jensen's sweats and tugs, the waistband cutting tight around his hips. 

"Can I stay with you over summer break?" Colin dips his head and looks up through his bangs, a messy and young version of the pathetic puppy look that got Jensen wrapped up in this mess in the first place. "I'm supposed to do my scenes at the end of August anyway and I just wanna get away, you know?"

By summer, Colin will be sixteen. Old enough to take care of himself while Jensen and Jared are shooting, young enough to make stupid mistakes when he's left alone. It's not the best idea in the world, but the entire crew has been in love with him since he was a child and other than this little mishap he's always been a good kid. 

"You tell your mom this plan? Or Jared?"

"Figured I should ask you first." Colin shrugs, pulling at the drawstring again, hard enough to hurt. "Please?"

"Take down the pic, hope to God your mom didn't see it, and maybe." Jensen untangles Colin's fingers from the string, breath coming easier once the pressure is released. Colin beams up at him, crooked teeth and narrowed eyes and baby dimples on display. "You know I'm not staying with Jared this year, right?"

"Duh," Colin says. "That's the point." 

"Ask your mom," Jensen says again. He rubs his hand over Colin's face, palm flat against that Padelecki nose, and laughs when Colin licks him. "Brat. Come on. It's chow time. I think you gave your brother an ulcer."

Sherri says yes and Jensen finalizes the lease for the new Vancouver condo from afar. It's going to be weird, but at least he won't be totally by himself. 

\---

Living alone in Vancouver is weird. He likes his condo, went up a week early to get furniture in and decorate the place exactly to his liking. He might have gotten help with the actual decorations, but it's a livable space before shooting starts and his stuff is in the right places for the new space. He keeps expecting to wake up to Jared in the kitchen, hunched over the coffee pot, and when he's sleep groggy his feet try to take him down halls that don't exist. It's too quiet and feels too big for just him, even if it's just a two bedroom and has nothing on the size of his house. 

He's had a month and a half to get used to it, to make it a little more lived in, when Colin texts his arrival time. Jared insists on being the one to pick him up against Clif's wishes, and Jensen leaves him to it. He spends what time he's got at home off set in getting the guest room ready and stocking the fridge with easy to cook food. Colin's got Jared's talent in the kitchen and Jensen spent too much time making the place nice to have it burnt down. 

He's in the living room going over the next script when the door bangs open, Jared's voice floating in long before he's visible. Jensen still has his old key. It only seemed fair to give Jared a new one. He pushes off the couch and doesn't bother listening to whatever gross-out pregnancy facts he's telling Colin. It's become one of his new favorite ways to mess with people and Jensen has already heard more about vaginas than he's ever cared to, let alone all the other stuff. 

Colin's face is twisted up as he enters the room and Jared is beaming, the smug shit. 

"Hey," Colin says, cutting Jared off. His voice has dropped some since the last time Jensen saw him, not nearly as deep as Jared's, but slowly getting closer. 

"Hey, kid," Jensen replies, hugging him back. He's gotten a few inches taller, but he still barely reaches Jensen's shoulders. "Welcome to casa de Ackles."

Jared stays with them for a few hours, poking through Jensen's things and hovering next to Colin like he might disappear if he wanders off too far. He's all smiles and jokes, same as always, but Jensen knows without the shadow of a doubt that he's hurt. That Jensen is stepping into a place that has always been Jared's and that Colin doesn't even recognize it. They'll have to go to the old condo a few times, whatever excuse Jensen has to give. When Colin goes to unpack his suitcase and Jared finally decides to leave, Jensen walks him to the door. Jared hesitates, hand hovering over the knob. 

"Take care of him." 

"Dude, you're going to see him almost as much as me," Jensen says. Colin's more than old enough to explore the city on his own and set can get boring when you're not part of the action. Jensen's place is going to be a bed and meals and whatever home entertainment Colin can find when he doesn't tag along, same as it would be anywhere else. Jared presses his lips together, the corner tucking in. "You know I will. I've got him, Jay."

It takes another moment, but Jared nods, claps Jensen on the shoulder, and leaves. 

"Alright," Jensen says when Colin comes back out, changed into gym shorts and a t-shirt so ratty it's almost a mesh top. "Time to earn your keep. You're going to learn to cook this summer."

"Do I have to?" Colin tugs at the hem of his shirt, the shredded collar falling off his shoulder. For a second, Jensen gets stuck there. When did Colin get real muscles? 

"Absolutely." Jensen tilts his head toward the kitchen. "C'mon. Important life skills time."

\----

They develop as much of a routine as they can. Colin has always been a good house guest. His room is a disaster area, but he cleans up after himself in the common areas and loads the dishwasher after meals and keeps the volume down when Jensen goes to bed. He prefers a morning energy drink instead of coffee, which is disgusting and still leaves Jensen to make his own, but he's learned how to scramble eggs and make oatmeal on the stove. 

When they can, they work out together in Jensen's tiny home gym. Jensen is mostly cardio and endurance building these days, but Colin is all about weight training. The kid eats a metric ton of food at each meal and lifts just a few dozen pounds under what Jensen can and still can't gain weight. He whines about it frequently, shirtless and poking at his abs which are, somehow, better than Jensen's. Jared joins them sometimes, flashing his own washboards and a smug grin.

If Jensen's home at a decent time, they make dinner together. Colin visits set when he thinks the scenes will be interesting to watch being filmed, explores the city when he doesn't, and tells Jensen about it while he works on whatever job Jensen's given him. Occasionally, he tries to grab a beer from the fridge when he thinks Jensen isn't looking and puts it back with a whine when Jensen shuts him down. 

It's a good system. The condo feels the right size with Colin in it. 

"Is there-" Colin groans and leans back on the couch, one hand over his bare, too-full stomach. The condo has central air, but Colin prefers wandering around in just his endless supply of basketball shorts and complaining when his sweaty back gets stuck to the leather seats. Jensen pauses the frankly terrible stand-up on the TV and waits. "Is there somewhere you go when you want to hook up?"

It's so far out of left field that Jensen chokes on his popcorn. Colin raises his eyebrows as Jensen coughs. 

"Over that guy then?" He asks when he can breathe again. Colin rolls his head to the side, nose crinkled up and throat stretched out. His Adam's apple juts out, sharp, and that's a new development.

"No," he says. "Doesn't mean I don't want to- you know." He shrugs, the leather cushion squeaking as his shoulders rub against it. 

"If you can't say it, you can't do it," Jensen says, mouth working before his brain. He deserves the incredulous look Colin shoots him. He sighs. "Have you-" What a hypocrite, he thinks as he stumbles over his words. "Had sex?" 

"Yes, Jensen." It's delivered dry, but his cheeks turn cherry red. Bad phrase to pick, Jensen thinks hysterically. "I have done sex things before."

Like an idiot, the first thing he wants to ask is: _does Jared know_? The second, third, and hysterical fourth are: _Jared still doesn't know he's into guys, why didn't Jensen know, and with whom_? He doesn't miss that Colin said _things_ instead of _yes_ and that brings up a whole new set of questions that he can't ask. 

"So? Do you?" Colin pulls his knees up onto the couch, tucking his bare feet under Jensen's thigh. If Colin ever went to Jensen's usual haunts, he'd be eaten alive. 

"Not anywhere you're even allowed to think about going," he says. Colin purses his lips. "No. Just keep- doing whatever you're doing. Get yourself a boyfriend or whatever when you go home." That prickles something inside of him, a needling displeasure that might be jealousy. Maybe he should take his own advice. "New movie. This one sucks."

Colin mutters something under his breath but gets up to dig through Jensen's DVDs. Jensen takes a break to grab a beer and a soda, dumping the stale popcorn in the trash. It's going to be a long summer. 

When he gets back into the living room, Colin's put _Insidious_ on and turned the lights off the rest of the way. Jensen fumbles past the furniture, hands over the soda and settles in. Halfway through the intro Colin pulls himself all the way up onto the couch and rests his head on Jensen's shoulder. He flinches his way through the jump scares and Jensen doesn't laugh at the bruise-tight grip on his knee through the entire first over-the-top demon scene. 

\---

Jensen wakes up to movement on his bed. For a fuzzy second he thinks it's Sadie and he's about to scold her, but then he remembers she's with Jared a few miles away. He pushes his face into his pillow before blinking his eyes open. It's still night outside, the moon high in the sky and visible through the open window, and he's ninety-nine percent sure he didn't bring anyone home with him. A burst of cold air hits him square in the back as the covers are lifted and Jensen gives up and rolls over. 

"I can't sleep," Colin blurts, the sheets still held in his hand and one knee on the mattress. In the dark, his skin is mostly a faded blue color over the washed out gray of his boxers. Jensen groans and flops down. At least he's not getting murdered in his own bed. He doesn't think so anyway. 

"Go read a book," he mutters, rubbing at his face with one heavy hand. The mattress shifts again, the sheets move up and then down as Colin squirms under them. "I know the guest bed is good." He'd picked it out himself. 

"I feel like someone's watching me in there," Colin says. Note to self, Jensen thinks, already halfway back to sleep, no more horror movies before bed. "Let me sleep in here. Please?"

Colin is way too old to share a bed with him. Colin is way too old to be chased out of his room by some ridiculous astral projection ghost movie. Jensen doesn't even bother looking at him. Jared's pleading face is hard to refuse. Colin's is lethal. Jensen's too bone tired to even attempt to fight it. He just grunts and turns away from Colin's wiggling warmth. 

It's been a long time since Jensen's shared a bed with someone. His last boyfriend was- Jesus, barely into season one. He's had a fair number of hookups over the years but he's never been comfortable with them staying the night, especially in Vancouver with Jared wandering around ready to pounce, and he's always left their places with a smile and a wink and sometimes his phone number scribbled down. He's hyper aware of the warmth of Colin's body, of the sound of his breathing. 

They lie there for a long time, nighttime silence almost too heavy. Colin turns, whole body dipping into the center of the bed, his bony knees tucking almost all the way into Jensen's. It's not the comfortable closeness of before, becoming too close when Colin shifts until his bare chest is against Jensen's bare back, the tickle of his soft hair against the nape of Jensen's neck. 

"Colin-" 

"You know it's you, right?" Colin asks, more hot breath against the top of Jensen's spine than real sound. Jensen freezes, even as Colin hesitantly curls an arm over his waist. "It's been you since I was twelve and knew what a crush was." 

"Colin," Jensen says again, but he doesn't know what to follow it up with. "You don't know what you want yet, but it's not me." It's not the right thing to say at all, but it's all he has. He remembers Colin crunched into a little ball on the steps of his porch, asking him about sexuality and crushes and doesn't know what the riot in his chest means.

"It is," Colin says, half whine. His hand spreads over Jensen's stomach, thin fingers cold from the too-high air conditioning. Jensen wraps his own around Colin's wrist, keeping him still. "I tried to get over you. I did. But- I don't want anyone else."

"It's not that easy." Jensen keeps his hold on Colin's wrist, carefully lifting it and scooting away, turning to face him. "You're so much younger than me." 

"Age of consent is sixteen in Vancouver," Colin says, all dark eyes underneath his bangs. He had to have looked that up, had to have planned this. Jensen thinks of all those selfies and photos he'd gotten, thinks of _that_ selfie. The one that was, apparently, for him. "Please. Even if it's just one time."

"Don't ask me that," Jensen says softly. Colin twists his wrist in Jensen's grip and skims his knuckles over Jensen's collarbone. He can probably feel the stuttering of Jensen's heart under there, can probably hear it in the silence of the room. 

"Why?" Colin inches closer, his knees knocking into Jensen's thighs. He doesn't look away, mouth set in a determined line. .  
"You deserve more than a one-off with some guy almost twice your age." His own hand falls to Colin's hip, the only place that isn't bare skin. 

"Then give me more," Colin whispers, his mouth too close. Jensen doesn't push him away. He should, he _should_ , but his hand stays frozen on Colin's hip, his fingertips clawed into the cotton of his boxers. Colin closes the distance and brushes his lips over Jensen's. It stops Jensen's heart in his chest, locks his whole body. 

It's sweet and nervous, one of Colin's arms trapped between their chests, his free palm cupped against the dip of Jensen's shoulder. His thumb rests just over Jensen's pulse and there's no hiding the thundering of it. When he pulls back, his eyes are so wide, hopeful and terrified and just a little sad, and he's going to stomp on Jensen's heart no matter what happens from here. Jensen rests their foreheads together and takes a deep breath. 

"I can't just fuck you and go on my way," Jensen says eventually, when the tension has wound too tight. He should break Colin's heart clean right now, but he knows, _knows_ he can't. Can't do it to Colin, can't do it to himself. The boy in his arms is precious and already his and throwing him away would be cruel. 

"I don't want you to." Colin kisses him again and Jensen breaks. "Try with me. Please."

Jensen has never been good at telling him no. 

\---

There's something to be said about the phrase _summer of love_.

Their routine stays mostly the same; Jensen walks Colin through making pancakes and poached eggs and the basics of casseroles. He goes to work and sometimes Colin comes with him, watching from behind the scenes or lounging in Jensen's trailer when the heat gets too much. Other days Colin wanders off on his own, sending Jensen photos of things he's seen a dozen times over that look brand new through Colin's eyes. 

They go to Jared's place every few days for dinner or to hang out, both of them carefully across the room from each other. Jared's bright smile every time they show up makes Jensen's stomach twist. He laughs at Jared's jokes the same as he always has and sits on the balcony with him, curled into each other as Jared whispers how absolutely terrified he is as Gen's pregnancy progresses, where he can't help if anything goes wrong. 

Colin's things stay in the guest room but he sleeps in Jensen's bed, crawls in whether Jensen is there or not. The first time Jensen had come home at three am, bone tired from the shoot, and found Colin curled up under the sheets, something in his chest had turned over. It'd been too long since he'd had someone to come home to, someone to wrap around and hold and _be_ with. Colin's eyes had opened in the barest sense of the word when Jensen got in with him, but he'd smiled and burrowed down into Jensen's chest. 

Each time Colin reaches for him with hungry hands, Jensen feels himself giving way more and more easily. Colin wants to touch everything, taste everything, _learn_ everything. He flashes his stomach at every turn and throws himself onto Jensen's lap, half shy and half sheer determination. He has a thing for touching Jensen's thighs, his fingers spread wide across the muscle, thumbs pressing into the divots that lead up to Jensen's cock. Jensen has a thing for the way Colin smiles at him, impish and awed. 

Currently, Jensen has Colin in his lap on the couch, leaning against him. Colin tips his head back, mouths at Jensen's jaw as Jensen maps out the dips of Colin's forever bare chest. Colin sighs when the edge of Jensen's hand brushes against his cock where it's tenting his basketball shorts, settling in. The sigh cuts off when Jensen slips his hand inside, thumb and middle finger curling around his shaft in a loose ring. He gives one slow pull- all the way up, all the way down- before lifting his own hips in gentle encouragement. 

"Go on," he says, leaning down to kiss the edge of Colin's mouth. 

It's a particular brand of self torture. Colin hesitantly pushes up into Jensen's hand and back against Jensen's cock, bent awkwardly under his sweatpants. There isn't a real rhythm to it at all, but Colin plants his hands on Jensen's spread thighs for leverage and works on figuring it out. Jensen bites at his lip to keep his own sounds in, hypersensitive to Colin's every little gasp and cut-off whine and hiccupping breath. 

Colin squirms on Jensen's lap, rocks his ass against Jensen's cock, that eager teenage drive to come as fast as possible. He pants against Jensen's throat, wet hot breath that turns into teeth sinking in. It might leave a mark, something for makeup to tsk over and for Jared to tease him about. If he could, Jensen would leave little mouth bruises over Colin's chest and hips and thighs- tender reminders that brought more of those _yes, yes, please_ sounds out as the skin went from sensitive to overworked. 

"Slow down," Jensen says, lips moving over the sharp point of Colin's top vertebra. He's taught Colin a lot of things over the years, even if it had never been like this. Today's lesson is patience, on learning how to enjoy a good thing.

 _Sex things_ , Colin had said, and Jensen wants names and numbers and blow-by-blow plays. He doubts that any of Colin's little not-quite-fuck buddies knew how to work a cock the the way he does, but Jensen has always been a jealous creature. 

Did those high school boys know that Colin's whole body shakes when there's a tongue against the soft spot behind his ear? Did those boys ever think to press their hands there, right there, just under the tiny divot of Colin's navel? Were there other _men_ that had fumbled their way around Colin's body? They're questions he wants to ask but they stick to the back of his throat. 

Instead, he slips his other hand into Colin's shorts, cups Colin's tight balls in his palm and squeezes just enough for Colin to arch his whole body. 

"Jensen-" Colin's hips buck, half of his weight jammed through his shoulders into Jensen's chest. Jensen strokes over the tight clench of his abs, runs his thumb back and forth over the tip of Colin's cock. "I'm gonna-"

Nails dig into Jensen's forearm as Colin goes steel wire tight, his whole body tense. He gives one, two, three more staccato thrusts and whines when he trips over the edge, come pulsing over Jensen's fingers. He grinds his ass into Jensen's lap in uneven spasms, the back of his skull digging into Jensen's shoulder. Jensen kisses his temple through his sweaty, stuck down hair and gently pulls his hands away. He kisses Colin's cheek, the side of his neck, rubs at the tight muscles in Colin's arms as he slumps down. 

"Your turn," Colin gasps when he's caught his breath, tipping over and bouncing off the cushions. He tugs weakly at his shorts, shimmies them back up over the jizz still on his skin. Jensen laughs, even as his cock twitches. Slowly, Colin sits up, scooting to press his back against the side of the couch, one leg dangling off the edge and one along the line of the back. He pats the space between his spread thighs and Jensen laughs again. 

"Think I'm a little too heavy to sit in your lap," he says. Colin scrunches his nose and pats the spot again. 

"C'mon," he says. "I'll tell you if you're squishing me." He probably won't, but Jensen wants whatever Colin is planning on giving him. 

He lays himself at an angle between Colin's thighs, half of his weight on Colin's skinny chest and half against the sticky leather of the couch. It's just the right position for Colin to kiss him, more teeth than tongue, as Colin mimics what Jensen's already done to him. 

His hands are smaller, fine bones and not an ounce of baby fat on them, always cold even in the heat of summer. He pushes his chest against Jensen's back as timid fingertips circle an areola. Colin still has little mosquito bites there, probably always will, but Jensen's nipple gets tight under the rub of two fingertips, sends shockwaves down to his cock as Colin pins it between two knuckles, rolling it in an unpredictable rhythm. 

His other hand skips over Jensen's abs, spends a few moments too long on Jensen's thigh, nails dragging up. Jensen holds his breath as Colin parts soft cotton from his skin, leaves him the dignity of not being fully exposed as he slips his hand into Jensen's briefs. 

His hand barely closes all the way around Jensen's cock, thumb and fingertips just brushing together. Jensen wants to fuck up into it, to keep controlling the show, but he holds off. Lets Colin figure out the way to turn his wrist, to squeeze just right, to do the stomach trick. Lets Colin tear him apart by sound, doesn't hold back the breathy little things that slide past his lips unasked for, doesn't cut off the moan that shakes them both as Colin tick-tocks his thumb in just the right place. 

"I always thought you'd be like this," Colin whispers, head ducked to press his wet, open mouth against Jensen's shoulder. "When I jerked myself off, I thought about you." Jensen has never needed help painting a mental picture, and he can imagine Colin spread out over those guest bed sheets, thighs open and chest heaving, hand around his cock like it is on Jensen's now. 

He gives up on a lesson. Time is short and he's so hard he feels like he's going to break something if he doesn't come now, now, _right now_. Colin keeps his fist tight, keeps pressing sweet little kisses to Jensen's jaw, throat, shoulder as Jensen fucks up against him, thrusting into it with the entire strength of his lower body. When he comes, Colin's tiny noise of surprise is all he can hear past the rush of blood in his ears. 

Colin spreads sticky white over Jesen's stomach with his whole hand and laughs all the way to the shower. Their shared shampoo smells like lavender and it soaks into the pillows when Colin tackles him onto the bed.

\---

It's a stupid mistake. 

_Mistake_. Like Colin tripped and landed in his lap, like Colin's mouth just happens to be on his through no fault of his own. Like he doesn't have one hand in Colin's hair and the other down his jeans, pinched between their stomachs. 

The trailer is Jensen's third home. He's spent more time over the last eight years inside of it than he has in his house in Austin, more time here than in the condo he shared with Jared. It's safe and his and an oasis from the chaos of the crew. There are only a handful of people allowed inside, fewer that know the security code to let them in while he's not there. Colin has it now, basically lives there during Jensen's time on set, hiding himself away to study or abuse the Xbox. Jared has it. Clif, just in case. No one else. 

"Come on," Jensen says, forehead against Colin's, legs sprawled out wide to hold Colin's weight on him. Colin digs his fingertips into Jensen's shoulders, rutting his hips into Jensen's still hand. He reeks of sweat and teen boy cologne, hair plastered down to his forehead and red all the way down past the deep V collar of his t-shirt. 

"You're killing me," Colin whines, head tipping back to expose the long line of his throat. Jensen's mouth lands on the jut of his Adam's apple, drawn to it like it's magnetized. Colin's hips stutter and he groans. "Do it right. I'm so close. Please-" 

Jensen sets his teeth against delicate skin and grins. He can already feel the shake of Colin's body, already knows that he’s going to pass out cold until wrap time when Jensen finally gets him off, already knows he's going to have to swallow down the dog whistle whine when Colin comes because he doesn't have a tea kettle and it'll be heard outside the cheap aluminum siding. He's waiting for it, his own hardon just a low, simmering want pushed aside as Colin falls to pieces on top of him. 

"Dude, I'm like thirty seconds away from dying of starvation. You wanna get-" Jared's voice cuts through the door before it slams into the wall, metal on metal. Colin's so far gone he doesn't catch on right away, still humping up against Jensen's palm even as Jared stumbles in over the last step that he always misses. Jensen's wrist is stuck in the fabric of Colin's boxers, the position too compromising to be anything other than what it is, and his hand reflexively tightens around Colin's cock as his whole body goes stiff. 

"Jensen- _Fuck_." Colin thrusts up into his fist twice more, sharp little stabs of his hips, and Jensen can only see Jared's heart breaking in front of his eyes as Colin comes all over his fingers, shaking apart in his arms. 

"Get up," Jared says after what can only be a minute. It feels like hours have passed, Colin's breath hot on Jensen's neck where he's collapsed and Jared's face slowly turning from heat pink to purple rage. Both brothers are shaking. Colin doesn't move. Jensen tries to yank his hand away, tries to pretend he was never there, but his watch snags on the slit of Colin's boxers and Colin grumbles, folding himself in closer, all octopus limbs and dead weight. "Colin, get the fuck up."

"Wh-" Colin goes from boneless to stiff-backed in the span of a second, Jared's voice finally registering. His wide, horrified eyes meet Jensen's and it's a look Jensen would usually try to soothe, to comfort, but he's sure he looks exactly the same. 

" _Colin_." Jared takes a single step forward, body blocking the door from closing and, Jesus, anyone could walk by and see inside. It might not be technically illegal, but he can't- he can't- 

"Get up," he says, carefully untangling his watch from Colin's boxers and wiping his hand against his own thigh. Colin shuffles backward and stumbles to his feet, keeping his back turned as he does up the zipper of his jeans. 

"Jensen," Colin starts, but Jensen shakes his head. Colin's face falls and Jensen's stomach turns. Those Padelecki boys, he thinks. He sees the sadness crack into anger as Colin whips around, already stomping toward Jared. "You have no right to-"

"Colin, go home." The muscle at the corner of Jared's jaw jumps, his teeth clenched too tight together. "My place. Now." He digs into his pocket and shoves his keys at Colin's chest. They drop to the floor with a sharp jangle when Colin refuses to take them. 

"No." Colin pulls his shoulders back, lifts his head up high to clear the difference between them. It's not as much as it was, once, but Jared broke six feet a long time ago and Colin probably won't ever get there. "You're not mom. You can't tell me what to do."

"I swear to God, if you don't-" Jared butts his chest against Colin's, draws his own shoulders back, and it's so much more effective. Jensen stays frozen on the couch, barely breathing. 

"What? Are you going to hit me?" Colin has to tilt his head back to look Jared in the eye. He's still so skinny, teenage muscle aside, that he barely blocks off two thirds of Jared's width. Jared would never hit him, would never do more than wrestle him to the ground and grapple with him, but Jensen still finds the strength to push himself off the couch, to move closer. The trailer is so small with all three of them in it. It's never felt so claustrophobic. 

"Don't you fucking dare," Jared hisses. Even with his back turned, Jensen knows the exact face Colin's making, knows the exact little brother response rearing up inside of him, ready to fight tooth and nail. 

"Colin-" Jensen's voice cracks like he's the teenager. He doesn't know how to say _don't make it worse_. Neither brother looks at him. 

"You don't get to tell me what to do," Colin says again. "I can feel whatever I want and do whatever I want with _whoever_ I want and it's none of your business! I don't _need_ you anymore! I'm not a kid!" 

Jensen needs to cut in, needs to draw the black vortex of anger there towards himself because he should have known better. He should have been the adult, should have said no, but his words stick as Jared takes a step back like he's been hit in the gut. It would be ironic if Jensen could feel anything past panic. Sam had given that line to Dean, almost word for word. 

"Guys," Jensen says, inching closer. Jared's head snaps up, hurt redirected into anger, and he might not hit Colin, but Jensen is free game. He deserves it. "Let's talk. We have to-"

"He's sixteen!" Jared shouts, arm thrown out towards Colin. He puts himself between them, like he's protecting Colin from Jensen, and that aches like a fresh burn. "Jensen, he's _sixteen years old_. The- the- You're thirty-four! There's an entire _older_ teenager between you." Jared reaches out, changes his mind, shoves his hand into his hair and pulls at it. 

"I'm right here-"

"I'm not talking to you," Jared snaps. Colin's face twists. Jensen is so cut up on the inside that he thinks he might bleed out right here on the floor. 

"I know. I- you think I don't know? I fucking _know_. Jared- I don't- I never-" Jensen breaks away from them both, smashes his fist against the trailer wall, pain in his knuckles and blood welling up from the split open skin. 

He does it again and again, other hand braced against metal, his whole body like a lead weight dragging him down. Every inch of him _hurts_ , his skin and lungs and heart. Unless he freezes up the stupid feelings inside of him that have been building up for years, he doesn't know what else he can do. He's never looked at another teenager before or since. He's never even entertained the thought of some pretty eighteen year old, perfectly legal and just as sweet. But Colin- 

He hits the wall again and feels the moment his knuckles fracture. 

"Jensen- Jen- stop. Stop! You're gonna-" Colin yanks him away, straight jackets him with every last ounce of his strength and pulls him to the floor. Jensen feels like a nuclear reactor. One molecule out of place and he'll explode and take the whole world down with him. "Stop. It's okay."

"No, it fucking isn't." Jensen cradles his broken hand against his chest and folds into Colin's arms, hating himself with every inch of comfort he gets from it. "I didn't ask for this. I didn't-" 

_Didn't want you_ would be a lie. From the first moment he'd seen that photo of Colin spread out on the bedsheets he'd chosen for his home, from the moment Colin trusted him over anyone else, he'd wanted and felt and needed and _burned_ for him, so far down he couldn't even see it. 

"I can't-" Jared yanks at his hair, his eyes closed, and Jensen feels sick. They've fought about petty things and argued and had tense moments, but this is the first time Jensen has ever been truly afraid of Jared calling it quits. "He's my _baby brother_. He's-" Jared huffs a breath out of his nose and paces blindly, all sharp, jerky movements that shake the entire trailer. "He's worshipped you for forever. I should have known. What are you _doing?"_

"I don't know," Jensen whispers. He should walk away. He needs to walk away. He _can't._ Colin wormed his way in and burrowed himself in so deep that ripping him out is too much to ask. 

"Go outside," Colin says, face still turned toward Jensen. Jared opens his mouth, lips bent in the start of a snarl. "Go outside! I'll come with you. Just give me five minutes, alright?" 

"You get three," Jared snaps. The door slams behind him, popping back open with the force of it. Jensen can't breathe. 

"I'm sorry," Colin says, lips against Jensen's temple. He has to kneel up to do it, arms going loose around Jensen's shoulders. "Do you- Do you still want me?"

If Jensen laughs now, he might never stop. If he cries now, that might never stop either. What a _juvenile_ question. What a _juvenile_ way to think about relationships. What a painful mirror to be held up, that Colin thinks he could be thrown away so easily. Jensen squeezes his eyes closed and takes a deep, rattling breath before turning himself around, hands falling to Colin's waist to steady him. 

"I'm always going to want you," he whispers, the awful truth laid bare. Colin is sweet and kind and smart as a whip and deserves more than Jensen can give him. 

"I'm going to talk to him," Colin says softly. He kisses Jensen's cheek, his forehead, a tiny butterfly kiss over his mouth. "I broke it, so I'm going to fix it. Just- Stay with me, okay?"

"Okay," Jensen says, soft. 

\---

Jensen doesn't sleep. He sits on his couch, head in his hands and the good bourbon on the coffee table. The good bourbon Jared had bought for him, almost exactly a year ago. It burns down his throat as he drinks straight from the bottle, his hand bound up messily. He should have gone to the medical trailer, but he'd needed to leave immediately. They can chew him out tomorrow. He hopes it doesn't mess with the schedule because thinking about other things that might mess with it will make him sick. 

The condo is too quiet without Colin. 

It's almost eleven when three sharp knocks cut through the silence. Jensen takes one more drink for courage, stops the bottle up, and goes to answer the door. 

Jared punches him square in the jaw as soon as he's inside. Jensen's head snaps to the side, pain exploding over his entire face, but he doesn't try to hit back. He's lucky it's just the one punch, that Jared storms past him to take up all the air in the living room instead of grinding him down to dirt. Jensen would probably let him. 

"I trusted you with him," Jared says. His eyes land on Jensen's, red and a little wet. "You're my best friend! You were supposed to _help_ him, not _fuck_ him."

"Jay-"

"Let me finish!" Jared kicks out at the table, sending it end over end with a crash. Jensen flinches back. "I can't stop you." He huffs out a sharp breath, shoulders lifting almost to his ears. "Fuck. Maybe I could, but I can't stop him." Jared closes his eyes and his mouth trembles, so familiar from his playful, pleading look, familiar in the moment before he breaks down, so strange as he stops it and breathes through it on his own. 

"Jay," Jensen tries again, hands raised and voice quiet. "I never meant-"

"You never meant to fuck my kid brother?" Jared asks, all venom. Jensen winces. "I swear to God, you stay away from me. No more family week, don't- don't come to my house. Don't even think about touching him there. He says he's old enough here, but I know he's not old enough at home." Jensen has never been on this side of Jared's disdain. Jared, who takes everyone in. Jared, who is sunshine and laughter through everything. Jared, Jensen's platonic other half, snapping them apart like a branch torn off a tree. "We have to work here, and I'm not going to fuck all that up, but this-" a wave of a hand, chest to chest- "is done. And if you hurt him-" 

"I won't," Jensen whispers, head ducked down to his chest. "I could never. Jay, I swear, I could never hurt him." He's never felt so small. Jared huffs out a disgusted breath and shakes his head, blowing past Jensen to the door without another word. 

Colin calls an hour later, voice rough as he apologizes over and over again. Jensen closes his eyes and hopes he made the right choice.

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on [Tumblr](http://coricomile.tumblr.com)!


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